Monthly Archives: June 2014


That is my motto and motivation today, to train my brain! To have better habits! I just tried to meditate just now and my mind was going a mile a minute, which is unusual for me. Too many things on my mind today, so going to write some of it out.

A lot of it is work related, and my job is very stressful, and my need to relax and unwind at home has become my excuse to procrastinate on other things – like getting the dishes done, doing other important things. I think I do need to allow myself some me time but I want to change how I do it.

Also I was really tempted to have a stiff drink – Hard Mikes – haha – after work to numb myself from the emotional stress and strain from the day, and I’m not an alcoholic, never have been one, but I still felt the need to direct my desire for peace of mind in another direction, and I’m glad I stuck with it. I’m going to try do mantras, meditation, and more quiet time and less addicting internet time (Youtube I need to stay away from you right now!)

I’m not the cleanest person, but I’m not the messiest either. If you walk into my apartment you won’t think you’re in an episode of Hoarders! But for years my excuse to procrastinate on cleaning at home was that I cleaned other people’s homes all day long for a living, and at home, I needed a break from it, which was true. But I don’t do that for a living anymore and now my excuse is my job is hard, I must rest. Which is true, but really, I can handle some cleaning unless I’m extremely drained from my day. I need to make myself do it more often so I can realize it’s not so bad. Also need to try not reacting to how awful my mind is making that chore look (I have this same problem with shaving my legs and no I don’t  leave them hairy)

I’m addicted to fun and entertainment, and I have LOTS of entertaining things to do. LOTS. So I feel the need to put things into perspective, allow myself some wind down time but also some responsible adult time. I hope I’m not just saying this and will go back to my regularly slacking off!

I’m glad to say I actually achieved of the few things I wanted to achieve tonight, not all of them but some, and the night is short! Wish it was longer. I will go back to those dishes now and get ready for bed.


To Watch or not to Watch?

I still haven’t made a decision on whether or not I’ll watch Supernatural this fall. I went from pretty excited for the new season after reading some excellent Destiel meta to wondering if my heart can take it anymore after Jensen’s opinion on Destiel at JIB.

Why am I thinking/feeling this way? I’m a hard-core Destiel shipper. It’s gotten to the point that I mainly watch the show for Dean/Cas scenes. Or any scene that speaks to their relationship. I’m emotionally invested in their relationship, and Jensen’s comment that he didn’t mind that there were less Dean/Cas scenes…and you know the rest….anyway, this comment makes me afraid. Afraid of even less Dean/Cas scenes, and afraid that Jensen will consciously change what he’s doing. He already claims he’s not acting Destiel, but I still see it. And feel it. And if he decides to tone it way down, I might be really disappointed.

Also,the plot in general hasn’t been making sense to me in years, although this thing with Crowley and Dean and Dean being a demon is interesting, but still, I’m wondering if I should take an emotional break from it all. I can still ship Destiel and read fanfics make vids etc.

Also, it’s still a thorn in my side that Castiel was a bad guy just for talking with and doing stuff with Crowley back when he turned into Godstiel, they considered him such a traitor for it, yet now currently Dean and Sam do whatever they need to with Crowley because Crowley’s handy (just as Castiel did)

The only reason I would ever even forgive that plot oversight would be if it brought Dean and Castiel closer to each other in the future.

And then, all that build up in Season 8 and then pretty much nothing? At least it’s canon that Castiel loves Dean. At least I got that.

So, I haven’t decided yet. I also want Castiel to be in every single episode and constantly with the Winchesters, and I’m disappointed when that doesn’t happen. So if I hear that suddenly Cas will be in every episode, move into the bunker and be a regular, I’ll watch.

I’m going to leave this here for now, more thoughts later