Tag Archives: Jensen Ackles

Where I’m at with the big Supernatural Fandom thing from yesterday

First I will link you to what happened – this is an article spreading around the internet that “gives the whole picture” and should be making me feel better. According to several places where it was posted. I appreciate the fact that fandom is looking out for one another. I just personally have issues with being told how I should feel and that my feelings are somehow “wank”.

What happened at Jus In Bello Convention

I didn’t really feel better after reading it, and here is why (and most of the reason has to do with Fandom, not Jensen, but I will start with Jensen): Jensen wasn’t asked a direct question about Destiel, and he still said, according to the article: “Jensen did say that yes they were less and he didn’t mind it also because ‘the whole dean and cas thing is blown out of proportion’”

In case you aren’t in the Supernatural Fandom, Destiel is a “ship” of Dean Winchester & Castiel, two characters in Supernatural. A Ship means it’s a romantic pairing of two characters in fiction. Ships can also be friend-ships but when people say they “ship” something they usually mean they like to see them as romantic.

So, yes it hurt to hear from one of the main actors in Supernatural (he plays Dean Winchester) that we’ve blown the whole thing out of proportion. The Destiel thing. Not because I’m going to die if Destiel doesn’t become canon, I’d love to see it, but that isn’t why it hurts. It hurts because Destiel means a lot to me and I feel like he is saying we are going overboard loving something that many of us (The pro-Destiel population is NOT small) feel very passionately about. Not only that, there IS potential for Destiel to go canon or get really close to being canon. If you’ve seen the last 2 episodes of Supernatural, my interpretation, which I know is shared by many, even – I’ve read, by “casual” viewers – people not in the fandom and they don’t ship Destiel – That Castiel DOES love Dean Winchester. And is IN LOVE with him.

I’ve recently read some excellent meta – and started to feel hopeful again that Destiel is something real, that us shippers are not just delusional. Here’s a link to a really good set of posts

Season 8 & 9 Destiel Meta

And Jensen is an actor who WORKS there and you know what, he DOES know more than me as to what’s really going on. So yeah, I had that disappointment. Of course he’s not one of the writers, and the future hasn’t been determined yet, but this thing yesterday kinda ripped down my sails of hope.

Also I want to note – I was upset about how it seemed Jensen had said he was glad he’d had less scenes with Castiel. That hurt. Especially since Misha, who plays Castiel, said that his favorite scenes to play had been the intense ones with Dean. I felt sad for Misha. BUT I see now what was said by Jensen was (and he’s referring to having less scenes with Castiel) I will quote the article: “jensen did say that yes they were less and he didn’t mind it”  – So he’s saying he didn’t mind it – not necessarily that he was GLAD he had less scenes with Misha/Castiel – so I APOLOGIZE RIGHT NOW FOR ANY OF MY MISINTERPRETATIONS ON THAT YESTERDAY. As long as Jensen & Misha are okay with each other and Jensen didn’t make Misha sad, that is what is important, because I was feeling both sad for Misha and for the part of Fandom that is supportive of both Castiel & Destiel. (Still feeling sad for Fandom in that respect – there was a time when Jensen was really glad that Castiel was coming back to the show)

Here’s something that was running through my mind yesterday – Jensen is a famous, extremely good looking actor that has a lot of doting fans – and he DESERVES IT he’s an amazing actor and a nice person, but anyway, he has a life that most of us can only dream of. He has an amazing job, he is loved by millions, he has a happy romantic life & family life and some very amazing friends that work where he works (Hey at least I have that!). So, I was resenting the fact that this person who has everything in life, especially the part about the happy romantic life, was dismissing our feelings for something that means a lot to us.

Let me put it this way – some people were hurt yesterday, including me and everyone’s reaction was DON’T BE MAD AT JENSEN or you are WRONG your feelings are WRONG you are seeing things WRONG. This upset me. I’m NOT even MAD AT JENSEN. I just didn’t like that because he is JENSEN people in Fandom were saying HATEFUL things to each other. YES HATEFUL. All the judgments flying about were discouraging to me. (And YES I do need to examine my own judgments as well)

Look, I’m single, I’ve NEVER had a successful romantic relationship – and that’s not Jensen’s problem, but it hurt when someone who has it all dismisses the feelings of someone like myself, who found substitute romance in Destiel. Is that healthy? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, (Just think of all the single people in the world reading romance novels, if you want a comparison) but now I have to face another new feeling –

I can’t stop thinking of how one of the actors in the Destiel pairing is squicked by it and if I think of Destiel now I will think of how Jensen who plays Dean is disturbed by it – Yes I really think he is disturbed by it, I was at Vancon 2010 and a male fan asked Jensen a direct Destiel question and Jensen’s immediate reaction, both in his tone of voice and his words was that he did NOT want to talk about it.

(Please note, I am not jealous of Jensen nor do I resent him for his success in life or resent him for any reason whatsoever. I’m just saying in comparison, he has it all, and I do not. A lot of us do not. Doesn’t mean any of us are less significant than him)

So anyway, YES I will get over this YES Jensen and I have differing opinions on Destiel and YES we both have every right to feel the way we do. We do. I just wish he’s said things a little different, like maybe “You know what, I’m not into the Destiel thing, and I do feel uncomfortable with any questions about it, I don’t see it the same way some of fandom does” something like that. But instead to say we’ve blown it out of proportion – to me that basically says, we’re seeing it wrong. We’re feeling it wrong. We’re doing it wrong.

But really he’s human just like me and I will admit I could be looking at this wrong STILL so please don’t think I’m harboring some grudge against Jensen. He said what he felt at that moment and really, that is okay.  I’m realizing that I need to be okay with some of the stuff I interpreted as hate yesterday (The main reason I wrote this) and when I say Hate, I mean the fandom to fandom hate.

And who knows, maybe he’s right? Maybe there isn’t a snowballs chance in hell of Destiel being romantic canon on the show. Maybe that’s ALL he really meant. I’m willing to look at this another way, and I’m going to get over this. It certainly isn’t the end of the world. I just need a break from Fandom now.

Why? Because every time I looked at the internet yesterday I saw THIS IS NOT HOW YOU SHOULD BE FEELING. Being told how I should feel is a huge trigger for me. So is being told to calm down. I’m a grown woman, I have every right to have my feelings just like other people have theirs so it really upsets me when people tell me I need to calm down.  Anyway I will look at this again and re-evaluate and I will  calm down and be fine. I will be okay but because Jensen is so squicked by Destiel I do feel like I’ve lost part of something I’ve loved. This is something I  will be looking at again and again to see how I feel about it.

Plus just all of the unkind things I saw people saying to each other yesterday was really disheartening. I think the reason it upset me so much was I was getting triggered over and over again with the “my feelings are wrong” and the “part of fandom that feels this way is who is in the right”. I felt attacked. But I’m working on looking at it differently, really I am.

So anyway, Destiel shippers, I love you, I love our mutual feelings on a beautiful relationship on Supernatural. I will still discuss Destiel with people if they want to discuss it. I just need to step back from Supernatural Fandom for a bit. Think about some other things. Yeah, I realize people that aren’t in the Supernatural fandom probably think I’m nuts! haha. But really, I’ve met a lot of great friends online because of the Supernatural fandom.




Monday post 1- Recent stuff I’ve done

By CubaGallery at Flickr


Wow I’m suddenly getting a lot more views on my blog. Not sure why, maybe because I started letting people find it with search engines? Anyway if anyone is really reading this, WELCOME!

I was up till 2am last night goofing off, looking at fandomsecrets at lj, looking at themes here at WordPress, looking at free chapters at amazon. Ergh, I want to stop wasting time but it’s so hard when I have the freedom to do so. Don’t have to be up at a certain time of the morning. The freedom of the day is such a temptating elixir to me as well. I could be more structured, but I think I have adult attention deficit disorder or something, I have trouble staying focused on one thing for too long, and flit around doing activities, and recreational activities usually win.

Anyway, this weekend was Nashcon in Nashville. Meaning there was a Supernatural convention, and I was on twitter a lot. On Saturday morning, I didn’t have plans to get on twitter till the afternoon, and then Finny sent me an email at FB (lol not a problem btw Finny if you read this) saying that Jared Padalecki (I had to search and make sure I spell that right) who plays Sam on SPN now has a twitter. It has been a long, ongoing thing that both Jensen and Jared did NOT have a twitter. As in it was repeated to us more than once because there are FAKE Jensen and Jared’s on twitter. Anyway, the REAL Jared is @jarpad. I like how it’s nice and short to type. He wasn’t able to use his full name, like @mishacollins, because Jared’s full name was taken, along with his name with 1 & 2 behind it!

So I had to get on twitter that morning to check it out. Ended up staying on twitter for quite awhile. LOL. I was there for Jensen & Jared’s panel and got to read all the tweets of the Q & A’s as they were happening because a lot of ppl tweeted at the con.

I believe I did do the dishes Saturday. Pat called and had J go over for some gardening. I went for a walk after that, it was a beautiful day. I had uploaded a particular library book to my MP3 player, but once on the walk realized I had uploaded tracks from the second disc, not the first, so settled for listening to a Tami Hoag novel I had already but the story bores me so I eventually shut it off.

I walked to this nearby park and past the Hobbit houses. I wondered how many people would be impressed that we have Hobbit type houses in our town. I thought about taking pictures and posting online, but felt it would be an invasion of privacy. I walked past some lilacs and got to smell them.

I sat in the park for awhile, daydreaming of being somewhere in the US & also Vancouver. Someplace with more exciting, landscaped parks. I wondered what it was like to live in certain places.

I went to the store and got raisins for some cookies I haven’t made yet. We’re doing good sticking to our grocery goal, but I’m starting to wish J would pitch in a little more towards the grocery fund. I might bring it up to him.

I watched Bizarre Foods and Dresden files. Saturday I went to bed kinda early, read library books in bed. I think most of the library books I have now I will return without finishing. I want to like them, but they aren’t gripping me. One is a fantasy that is somewhat historical and has a really pretty cover – Thunder At Dawn by Eric Flint & David Drake. But I barely understand what is going on. Then I was reading a horror novel called A Dark Matter by Peter Straub, and even though it has a very interesting concept – a cult guru performs a ceremony that results in bizarre, gruesome murders…it’s actually pretty boring and mostly about some characters I don’t care about. I checked the reviews on amazon and most ppl thought the book was  a waste of time. Check amazon if you want to see what I’m talking about.

I’m also reading a fantasy sci-fi that is sort of pro-new age, talks about things my mom likes to talk about, but it’s pretty weird at times and hard to follow. It’s well written though, and has a really pretty cover – here’s the picture I like the blue futuristic city:

I’ll probably try it a few more times.

But yesterday on Sunday I was on amazon trying to find a GOOD horror book and I found a couple authors I want to try, and read the first chapter free of books on amazon. One is Jack Kilborn and the book I want is NOT available at the library so I’ll have to request it. The other author is Blake Crouch and the book I wanted IS at the library so I reserved it. I want to read things that grip me and the first chapters did – Endurance by JK and Desert Places by BC.

I was playing my new Wiiware game Fast and finally unlocked the next set of tracks. It’s a beautiful racing game I spent $10 on and hope to get around to writing a review for it on here, since it’s not like people can go to amazon and write a review, you have to buy it from the Wii shopping channel.

I looked at the Worksource job board today and it’s empty, at least my main section.  I’ll probably spend more time searching around tomorrow. I want to make a few entries here in the blog and get some stuff done around the house.

I need to pick up my car today, go to meditation class, and then go to Fred Meyer and be very careful with my spending.

Supernatural 6.06

My mildly spoilery and brief review of tonight’s episode of Supernatural:

I loved it! It had everything I’d been missing this season as far as what a really good  Supernatural episode has, except that Dean and Sam aren’t right with each other yet, but at least the episode was still about Dean & Sam’s relationship. As in Dean was really concerned that Sam wasn’t Sam, and you could see that finding out the truth meant a lot to Dean, as he was tearing up as he was asking Sam for the truth and hearing Sam’s answer (which was too obviously NOT the truth). Their relationship is one of the most important things about the show, so really glad they are focusing on it.

We got to see Lisa break up with Dean *YES!* God I hope it stays that way. I want the show to be about Sam and Dean, and Dean and Castiel, and Sam and Dean and Bobby, etc. I don’t like Lisa I guess because she has nothing to do with Dean’s way of life. She’s not a hunter and has nothing to do with hunting.

We got to see a good and meaningful Dean & Castiel scene!!! Finally!! I mean, the “profound bond” scene with Dean and Cas was good a couple eps ago, but Sam was in the room. This time it was just Dean and Cas, and Cas wanted to make sure Dean knew he cared about his problem with Sam and wants to help. I hope we get plenty more of Dean & Castiel bonding scenes this season. I miss them.  Anyway, *fans self* YAY!

And then we had Bobby in the episode, that’s always good, and we got to learn some interesting tidbits about him, and the mystery/case was interesting this week, about a Goddess that forces people to tell the truth, so it was fun to watch.

The last scene was kinda painful to watch – but Dean’s suffering & Sam’s not himself.

Next week’s looks awesome and MORE CASTIEL!!! YAY!!

Supernatural 6.05

Brief Supernatural Review – mildly spoilery

SPN was weird tonight – rather dark in my opinion. It’s like SPN used to be warm fuzzies and they’ve squeezed it all out. I liked the beginning of this ep where they were mocking Twilight, that was cool.

Yet, because this was an episode where Dean turns Vampire, I guess it makes sense it was dark. Part of the darkness was Sam – he’s not being his warm fuzzy self anymore. He’s different, and Dean can tell. Especially at the end of the episode he could REALLY tell, as he saw what Sam had done when Dean was being turned into a vampire. It was chilling to see Sam that way, but I am VERY curious as to what is up with him!

I just had this feeling while watching the ep that the old days of Dean and Sam running around, helping families is gone – not even sure if they’ve helped one family yet this season.

That scene with Lisa and Ben? I hope that means Sayonara! Lisa! But I’m not sure. Heck this time I wasn’t cringing so bad either (I like Dean single)

Supernatural tastes different this season – it’s a whole new flavor.

Next week – Castiel! YAY! I wonder if he DOES know what is up with Sam? It kinda looked that way with his face when Dean asked…