- 4 of 5 stars to The Heart of Centering Prayer by Cynthia Bourgeault goodreads.com/review/show/20… 1 day ago
- RT @superwhodawn: Actual Greek God https://t.co/skmdVSR2Ub 1 week ago
- RT @superwhodawn: Misha Collins collar bone appreciation thread commencing. Because damn. https://t.co/Fkd5JQPGD8 1 week ago
- RT @GarrisonInst: Tomorrow @JCCManhattan, @SharonSalzberg presents her new book #RealLoveBook in conversation w @tricyclemag https://t.co/h… 2 weeks ago
- Last night I became mosquito dinner, tiny little vampires drinking from me on my walk 2 weeks ago
Stuff I wrote!
July 2017 S M T W T F S « Mar 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31
Tag Archives: Supernatural
First I will link you to what happened – this is an article spreading around the internet that “gives the whole picture” and should be making me feel better. According to several places where it was posted. I appreciate the fact that fandom is looking out for one another. I just personally have issues with being told how I should feel and that my feelings are somehow “wank”.
I didn’t really feel better after reading it, and here is why (and most of the reason has to do with Fandom, not Jensen, but I will start with Jensen): Jensen wasn’t asked a direct question about Destiel, and he still said, according to the article: “Jensen did say that yes they were less and he didn’t mind it also because ‘the whole dean and cas thing is blown out of proportion’”
In case you aren’t in the Supernatural Fandom, Destiel is a “ship” of Dean Winchester & Castiel, two characters in Supernatural. A Ship means it’s a romantic pairing of two characters in fiction. Ships can also be friend-ships but when people say they “ship” something they usually mean they like to see them as romantic.
So, yes it hurt to hear from one of the main actors in Supernatural (he plays Dean Winchester) that we’ve blown the whole thing out of proportion. The Destiel thing. Not because I’m going to die if Destiel doesn’t become canon, I’d love to see it, but that isn’t why it hurts. It hurts because Destiel means a lot to me and I feel like he is saying we are going overboard loving something that many of us (The pro-Destiel population is NOT small) feel very passionately about. Not only that, there IS potential for Destiel to go canon or get really close to being canon. If you’ve seen the last 2 episodes of Supernatural, my interpretation, which I know is shared by many, even – I’ve read, by “casual” viewers – people not in the fandom and they don’t ship Destiel – That Castiel DOES love Dean Winchester. And is IN LOVE with him.
I’ve recently read some excellent meta – and started to feel hopeful again that Destiel is something real, that us shippers are not just delusional. Here’s a link to a really good set of posts
And Jensen is an actor who WORKS there and you know what, he DOES know more than me as to what’s really going on. So yeah, I had that disappointment. Of course he’s not one of the writers, and the future hasn’t been determined yet, but this thing yesterday kinda ripped down my sails of hope.
Also I want to note – I was upset about how it seemed Jensen had said he was glad he’d had less scenes with Castiel. That hurt. Especially since Misha, who plays Castiel, said that his favorite scenes to play had been the intense ones with Dean. I felt sad for Misha. BUT I see now what was said by Jensen was (and he’s referring to having less scenes with Castiel) I will quote the article: “jensen did say that yes they were less and he didn’t mind it” – So he’s saying he didn’t mind it – not necessarily that he was GLAD he had less scenes with Misha/Castiel – so I APOLOGIZE RIGHT NOW FOR ANY OF MY MISINTERPRETATIONS ON THAT YESTERDAY. As long as Jensen & Misha are okay with each other and Jensen didn’t make Misha sad, that is what is important, because I was feeling both sad for Misha and for the part of Fandom that is supportive of both Castiel & Destiel. (Still feeling sad for Fandom in that respect – there was a time when Jensen was really glad that Castiel was coming back to the show)
Here’s something that was running through my mind yesterday – Jensen is a famous, extremely good looking actor that has a lot of doting fans – and he DESERVES IT he’s an amazing actor and a nice person, but anyway, he has a life that most of us can only dream of. He has an amazing job, he is loved by millions, he has a happy romantic life & family life and some very amazing friends that work where he works (Hey at least I have that!). So, I was resenting the fact that this person who has everything in life, especially the part about the happy romantic life, was dismissing our feelings for something that means a lot to us.
Let me put it this way – some people were hurt yesterday, including me and everyone’s reaction was DON’T BE MAD AT JENSEN or you are WRONG your feelings are WRONG you are seeing things WRONG. This upset me. I’m NOT even MAD AT JENSEN. I just didn’t like that because he is JENSEN people in Fandom were saying HATEFUL things to each other. YES HATEFUL. All the judgments flying about were discouraging to me. (And YES I do need to examine my own judgments as well)
Look, I’m single, I’ve NEVER had a successful romantic relationship – and that’s not Jensen’s problem, but it hurt when someone who has it all dismisses the feelings of someone like myself, who found substitute romance in Destiel. Is that healthy? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, (Just think of all the single people in the world reading romance novels, if you want a comparison) but now I have to face another new feeling –
I can’t stop thinking of how one of the actors in the Destiel pairing is squicked by it and if I think of Destiel now I will think of how Jensen who plays Dean is disturbed by it – Yes I really think he is disturbed by it, I was at Vancon 2010 and a male fan asked Jensen a direct Destiel question and Jensen’s immediate reaction, both in his tone of voice and his words was that he did NOT want to talk about it.
(Please note, I am not jealous of Jensen nor do I resent him for his success in life or resent him for any reason whatsoever. I’m just saying in comparison, he has it all, and I do not. A lot of us do not. Doesn’t mean any of us are less significant than him)
So anyway, YES I will get over this YES Jensen and I have differing opinions on Destiel and YES we both have every right to feel the way we do. We do. I just wish he’s said things a little different, like maybe “You know what, I’m not into the Destiel thing, and I do feel uncomfortable with any questions about it, I don’t see it the same way some of fandom does” something like that. But instead to say we’ve blown it out of proportion – to me that basically says, we’re seeing it wrong. We’re feeling it wrong. We’re doing it wrong.
But really he’s human just like me and I will admit I could be looking at this wrong STILL so please don’t think I’m harboring some grudge against Jensen. He said what he felt at that moment and really, that is okay. I’m realizing that I need to be okay with some of the stuff I interpreted as hate yesterday (The main reason I wrote this) and when I say Hate, I mean the fandom to fandom hate.
And who knows, maybe he’s right? Maybe there isn’t a snowballs chance in hell of Destiel being romantic canon on the show. Maybe that’s ALL he really meant. I’m willing to look at this another way, and I’m going to get over this. It certainly isn’t the end of the world. I just need a break from Fandom now.
Why? Because every time I looked at the internet yesterday I saw THIS IS NOT HOW YOU SHOULD BE FEELING. Being told how I should feel is a huge trigger for me. So is being told to calm down. I’m a grown woman, I have every right to have my feelings just like other people have theirs so it really upsets me when people tell me I need to calm down. Anyway I will look at this again and re-evaluate and I will calm down and be fine. I will be okay but because Jensen is so squicked by Destiel I do feel like I’ve lost part of something I’ve loved. This is something I will be looking at again and again to see how I feel about it.
Plus just all of the unkind things I saw people saying to each other yesterday was really disheartening. I think the reason it upset me so much was I was getting triggered over and over again with the “my feelings are wrong” and the “part of fandom that feels this way is who is in the right”. I felt attacked. But I’m working on looking at it differently, really I am.
So anyway, Destiel shippers, I love you, I love our mutual feelings on a beautiful relationship on Supernatural. I will still discuss Destiel with people if they want to discuss it. I just need to step back from Supernatural Fandom for a bit. Think about some other things. Yeah, I realize people that aren’t in the Supernatural fandom probably think I’m nuts! haha. But really, I’ve met a lot of great friends online because of the Supernatural fandom.
This is pretty pervy…rated mature, heavy slash. Fast paced video set to Generic Eric by she
Wow I’m suddenly getting a lot more views on my blog. Not sure why, maybe because I started letting people find it with search engines? Anyway if anyone is really reading this, WELCOME!
I was up till 2am last night goofing off, looking at fandomsecrets at lj, looking at themes here at WordPress, looking at free chapters at amazon. Ergh, I want to stop wasting time but it’s so hard when I have the freedom to do so. Don’t have to be up at a certain time of the morning. The freedom of the day is such a temptating elixir to me as well. I could be more structured, but I think I have adult attention deficit disorder or something, I have trouble staying focused on one thing for too long, and flit around doing activities, and recreational activities usually win.
Anyway, this weekend was Nashcon in Nashville. Meaning there was a Supernatural convention, and I was on twitter a lot. On Saturday morning, I didn’t have plans to get on twitter till the afternoon, and then Finny sent me an email at FB (lol not a problem btw Finny if you read this) saying that Jared Padalecki (I had to search and make sure I spell that right) who plays Sam on SPN now has a twitter. It has been a long, ongoing thing that both Jensen and Jared did NOT have a twitter. As in it was repeated to us more than once because there are FAKE Jensen and Jared’s on twitter. Anyway, the REAL Jared is @jarpad. I like how it’s nice and short to type. He wasn’t able to use his full name, like @mishacollins, because Jared’s full name was taken, along with his name with 1 & 2 behind it!
So I had to get on twitter that morning to check it out. Ended up staying on twitter for quite awhile. LOL. I was there for Jensen & Jared’s panel and got to read all the tweets of the Q & A’s as they were happening because a lot of ppl tweeted at the con.
I believe I did do the dishes Saturday. Pat called and had J go over for some gardening. I went for a walk after that, it was a beautiful day. I had uploaded a particular library book to my MP3 player, but once on the walk realized I had uploaded tracks from the second disc, not the first, so settled for listening to a Tami Hoag novel I had already but the story bores me so I eventually shut it off.
I walked to this nearby park and past the Hobbit houses. I wondered how many people would be impressed that we have Hobbit type houses in our town. I thought about taking pictures and posting online, but felt it would be an invasion of privacy. I walked past some lilacs and got to smell them.
I sat in the park for awhile, daydreaming of being somewhere in the US & also Vancouver. Someplace with more exciting, landscaped parks. I wondered what it was like to live in certain places.
I went to the store and got raisins for some cookies I haven’t made yet. We’re doing good sticking to our grocery goal, but I’m starting to wish J would pitch in a little more towards the grocery fund. I might bring it up to him.
I watched Bizarre Foods and Dresden files. Saturday I went to bed kinda early, read library books in bed. I think most of the library books I have now I will return without finishing. I want to like them, but they aren’t gripping me. One is a fantasy that is somewhat historical and has a really pretty cover – Thunder At Dawn by Eric Flint & David Drake. But I barely understand what is going on. Then I was reading a horror novel called A Dark Matter by Peter Straub, and even though it has a very interesting concept – a cult guru performs a ceremony that results in bizarre, gruesome murders…it’s actually pretty boring and mostly about some characters I don’t care about. I checked the reviews on amazon and most ppl thought the book was a waste of time. Check amazon if you want to see what I’m talking about.
I’m also reading a fantasy sci-fi that is sort of pro-new age, talks about things my mom likes to talk about, but it’s pretty weird at times and hard to follow. It’s well written though, and has a really pretty cover – here’s the picture I like the blue futuristic city:
I’ll probably try it a few more times.
But yesterday on Sunday I was on amazon trying to find a GOOD horror book and I found a couple authors I want to try, and read the first chapter free of books on amazon. One is Jack Kilborn and the book I want is NOT available at the library so I’ll have to request it. The other author is Blake Crouch and the book I wanted IS at the library so I reserved it. I want to read things that grip me and the first chapters did – Endurance by JK and Desert Places by BC.
I was playing my new Wiiware game Fast and finally unlocked the next set of tracks. It’s a beautiful racing game I spent $10 on and hope to get around to writing a review for it on here, since it’s not like people can go to amazon and write a review, you have to buy it from the Wii shopping channel.
I looked at the Worksource job board today and it’s empty, at least my main section. I’ll probably spend more time searching around tomorrow. I want to make a few entries here in the blog and get some stuff done around the house.
I need to pick up my car today, go to meditation class, and then go to Fred Meyer and be very careful with my spending.
The day before yesterday, I was really having trouble with Internet Explorer. It kept freezing up on me. Yesterday I tried to update it and the computer said I couldn’t, something was missing.
Not only had IE been freezing, it was having trouble scrolling and being really slow. So I decided to try Google Chrome and I like it a lot. Your new tab page can be customized to have a pretty background with apps that you pick out on it, and my favorites bar (which is called bookmarks) is taking the place of my old Yahoo Toolbar (GC couldn’t use Yahoo Toolbar) and it looks better actually. I’ll print screen sometime and post a pic. Anyway, Google Chrome works really fast, I like it.
Yesterday I spent to much time playing around, getting new apps, going to YB (www.myyearbook.com) where I haven’t been to in forever, to play Carniball, 3 Point Shootout, and Find It. Brings back memories LOL.
I also got a new thingy for using Twitter, called Twimbow, and you have to get an invite for that. I got an invite from a stranger that I added. I was also using Tweetdeck and just plain twitter to tweet yesterday. Twimbow is colorful looking and one advantage is you can have a search list on the right side, I typed in Supernatural, and that word gets a lot of tweets. I actually made two new friends yesterday doing that, commenting on their tweets. Well for sure I think one friend.
I have to get used to clicking on tabs at the top now, rather than clicking different windows on the bottom like I always did with IE.
Yesterday I tried Glee because I saw people were tweeting about the season finale. I couldn’t get into it, too much singing and the characters weren’t interesting to me, but I might give it another try because it has more than one gay couple on the show. This was on instant Netflix BTW.
Also tried Sherlock which suddenly showed up in Instant Netflix but it wasnt keeping my interest either. So I switched to Twin Peaks, but that show is just weird and sorta pointless now that they’ve solved Laura’s murder. I still watch every now and then because I like the characters.
Also watched the House Finale last night (I was at meditation class in Spokane Monday night). WOW they really went all out on the Season finale, as in big shock factor, not sure how they can even work next season after what happened!
On Monday I applied for one job that wasn’t FT, yesterday on FT job, I really hope I find more FT that I qualify for so I get my benefits from unemployment. I got a letter in the mail saying I will get a payment this week (I think)
Oh on Monday after meditation class, I went to Fred Meyer and got a new laptop cooler. It was interesting, I went to electronics, and the workers looked all over and said sorry, they didn’t think they had any more. Then I went over to the magazines and the woman chased after me with one, saying she found one! I was so happy! I had been debating in my head whether to bother with FM or not after class, and now I’m glad I went. I also got vitamins, because we no longer drink Boost (and I miss it sooo bad!)
I will probably take the car to the mechanic today and see what he says about it.
I need to look up jobs.
Last night I was starting a new, sad vid for SPN. I kept hearing this song in my MP3 player and seeing Castiel’s sad eyes at Dean’s. Also was editing first chapter of a fic I’m writing, I got it back from a beta and was making the corrections, but I am hesitant to get rid of a couple of sentences she crossed out. Might have to get a second opinion. Did I mention I was up till 2am doing that stuff? I think I need another cup of coffee.
Actually the show hasn’t been on my mind a lot today, but I am looking forward to it. If anything bad happens to Castiel, though, I will NOT be happy!!
I vacuumed the floor like I planned, and did my weekly unemployment claim online. I don’t know when I actually start getting money, but it could be as soon as next friday.
My bank changed their online site and I don’t like it as much as the old one. Looks less professional and neat, now.
I was reading some of A Rose For The Crown, but downloaded an ebook from the library that I’m actually enjoying, so reading that here and there. Have to read it on a computer, of course. The book is called “Life as We Knew It” and is about an asteriod hitting the moon and lots of disasters happening, from the perspective of a teenage girl. It makes me LOL a bit as I read, since some people actually think the Rapture is happening tomorrow.
All my concerns for tomorrow have to do with hopefully not being bored at the yard sale. I’ll be there for about 4 hours with my friend. I hope it’s okay to read a book if it’s slow. I was planning on taking the bus to Spokane, which means I might miss the Lilac Parade tomorrow night. J is going with Amy, I think.
I have really bad pimples lately, I think I’d better buy some Clearasil. They’re so bad I don’t even want to go to the store tonight, have been putting it off.
I did play my Rune Factory 3 game for a little while today. It’s tempting me again, probably because I forget the rest of the world when I’m playing it. haha.
I was considering fixing my car, and driving to Montana the weekend of Dad’s birthday. I still haven’t made up my mind. It’s Memorial day weekend, so J has an extra day off and we could stay longer. I would also spend the night at Seans Friday on the way out to see them, leave early on Saturday morning.
But, I’d have to charge the mechanic and the gas to my credit card, and I’ve been trying to pay it down. Have been doing good with that so far. So, not sure if I should just keep putting off fixing the car till I have a job. But that could be until Dec. if nothing else comes up. And I’d like to see Annabelle while she’s still a baby.
I want to write down some goals for tomorrow and then go through a checklist to see if I achieved them. I have to remember though that energy levels for me will make a difference on whether or not I get all the cleaning done.
- Finish applying for two jobs tomorrow
- Change bedsheets and do two loads of laundry
- Finish cleaning bathroom sink
I’m thinking on Friday I want to make sure to vacuum. I don’t want to put too much cleaning in one day.
I need to finish the letter I started to my penpal and send it in the mail, hopefully tomorrow.
I’m nervous and excited about Supernatural on Friday night. Afraid it will have a devestating ending or give us an awful cliffhanger.
But I’m excited about Misha Collin’s new series, Divine. I saw on Kickstarter they reached their goal of raising $10,000 to fund the show further. I would have donated if I had a job. Anyway, it’s starting this summer. Which brings me to another topic.
I have considered more than once trying to give up entertainment that contains violence for a month. Would have to be after the season finale of Supernatural. But then, I could be missing Divine’s premiere. I’ll still be thinking it over. I’d be changing what shows I watch, video games I can play, and books I can read. I’m reading Stieg Larsson‘s second book right now, The Girl that Played With Fire, and it’s long, and I’d have to give that up, since it’s a thriller and sure to have violence. Well, give it up for a month.
I also want to write more, I keep saying that, but it’s hard for me to write when not in a creative mood, and usually when I am, it’s late, I’m tired, and I can’t write much.
Going to shut the laptop off now. It’s really hot. I might go do some writing on the other comp, but like I said I’m tired. Maybe I should read instead.
Last night I let curiousity kill my cat and I watched a movie that I will NOT name but OMG that was like one of the most disturbing movies ever and after it was done I had to think about my choices on how to spend my time and I was seriously considering cutting down on entertainment with violence in it, which would mean a major life change with all the TV shows I watch and thriller books I read. I’m not ready to do it yet, I wouldn’t be until the season of Supernatural was over, but I’m considering trying it for a short time.
Then I was reading a lot of reviews about the movie afterwards and a lot of people were saying it never should have been made. YUCK I need to change the subject now. Except I want to say the movie didn’t have a lot of gore, almost none. It just had an extremely disturbing concept.
Going to clean today. Was going to have to go to work, but boss said we didn’t need to show up. So plenty of time for cleaning, I also want to read some library books. Last night was considering giving up the violent ones, but decided not to do that for now, have started several and I might as well finish. Later I might force myself to change my reading tastes for a month or something.
I got Gideon’s sword from the library, not sure if I will like it though. I’ll try it again later.
Wow! It’s sunny with blue sky! It’s been too long, especially for here. We usually don’t go a whole 2 weeks without sun!
I forgot to say yesterday I had to take an online exam for my work, had to take it twice actually. Today I’m going to have to go to the library to print off stuff for that job. Ugh. I wish my printer still worked.
I thought I was going to bed at midnight last night. Then I realized everyone on twitter was voting for Supernatural to be on the cover of TV guide and it was the last day. So I stayed up till midnight voting after my shower, then read Fear The Worst by Linwood Barclay till almost 1am.
What I’m really upset about is I set my alarm for 8am but didn’t get out of bed till 9:40 or so, oh why did I crawl back into bed?
I was even writing on one of my fics last night, THTV, and decided to rewrite the whole chapter I’ve been trying to write, and even quit doing it instead of staying up late to write. I might try to write a little more this morning. But I know it will take me a LOONG time to get it done.
Goals for today:
- Write some of THTV or at least one of my fics
- Print out that stuff for work
- Meditate maybe? I’ve forgotten all about it
- Read something today, not just at bedtime
- Watch the news tonight to see how the election is going
Guess what – I did all the dishes last night! Wooeee the sink is clean LOL
I have a secret – I think it was Saturday not sure, but we watched an episode of Dexter – 5.02 on the laptop, because I found a link to a place that let us watch it. Woooeee! So hopefully soon we’ll catch up on more Dexter.
I have been wasting time again, and staying up late.
First it was reading good crossover fanfic at FFN. especially a good Dexter/SPN one and a good Criminal minds/SPN one. That wasn’t really a waste of time.
But then I got on http://community.livejournal.com/fandomsecrets/ and I never really go to LJ anymore for more than one reason, but this place is like a train wreck and crack to me now. I keep sifting through the posts hoping to see something SPN or Castiel/Misha related.
Trying Paranormal Activity right now at the same time, but its very boring, good thing I have something else to keep me entertained at the same time.
J took off to do Halloween stuff with his girlfriend.
I’m hoping at least one spooky movie in my Netflix list is good