Comparisonitus

I have the worst case of comparisonitus. Here is a run down of my day:

I talk to a friend today that I admire, and he is going on a trip. With a married couple that are his good friends.

Me: I do not have any good friends I can go on a trip with. I do have some friends, but do I have good friends I can go on a trip with? Do I have good friends that would be willing  to go on a trip with me? I don’t know.

I’m not too concerned about the fact that I don’t have the money to go on a trip to Mexico. And lay on a tropical beach. Sounds nice but it’s not a priority.

I’m all concerned about the fact that I’m not as bonded with people as everyone else seems to be. People do not usually go out of their way to see me, but I go out of my way to see them.

I am thinking I am going to try go through life on autopilot and detach from my emotions

Update April 2016

I haven’t written in here for a long time. I recently lost my temporary job, it was a great place to work, I am okay with the fact that the job is over. I actually just applied today for a position at the place I was working at.

I need good dental insurance because I found out dental implants are $4000 per tooth which is ridiculously expensive! The place I worked at would provide good insurance if I was a permanent hire.

What am I watching on Netflix lately? Several things. In no particular order, Orphan Black, American Horror Story, Jessica Jones, Hemlock Grove, The Walking Dead, crap I just watched something yesterday, what was it? Oh yeah, Haven, Sense 8, Bates Motel, and thinking of getting back to Revenge.

Still having severe mood swings but will be starting counseling in a few weeks.

 

Can You Be A Buddhist Christian?

I really like this, this is helplful. I wish I could embrace the Christian religion, I like certain aspects of it, but my heart and my beliefs are much more Buddhist

Applied Buddhism

I visited my my family this weekend for a picnic. They live in Chicago. I live almost eight hours away and other family members live even farther. It is rare to get us all together and so I felt compelled to show.  I had to deal with many questions of my Buddhist faith. Most of my family is heavily invested into their Christianity and to them, the concepts of any other faith are considered false.

So how do you speak with a Christian that is trying to understand that Buddhism a wholesome practice for everyone?

WHAT KIND OF BUDDHIST or CHRISTIAN ARE YOU?

The first issue that must be addressed, I realized, is that when we say Christian or Buddhist there is an assumption that all Buddhists and Christians practice their faiths homogenously.

Of course, this is not true.  Ask a Catholic about their faith and it becomes clear that…

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You Don’t Need To Be In A Relationship To Live Romantically

Thought Catalog

Once in a while I find myself sitting across from a couple, and I can’t help but think they are space aliens.

They’re cute together, and if we’re having dinner, they might do something painfully sweet, like ordering for each other and knowing exactly what to get. In between bites (fed to each other), they talk about their new apartment and the various perks of nesting. “We just got into candle making!” And every so often, they lock eyes, and that familiarity and comfort that emanates from them makes it incredibly easy to picture them 20, 40 years from now, still sitting on the same side of the table, ever steadfastly on the same wavelength.

Aliens! You two certainly aren’t from my planet, that’s for sure. Tell me, when does the mothership land?

I’ve never been in a committed relationship. I’ve been in love once, with someone who loved me back just…

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Books and Big Fish Games

I suddenly have goals with Big Fish games. Yes, a fun goal 🙂

The thing is I have bought LOTS of Big Fish games that I haven’t finished, so I made a spreadsheet of the games I own and marked if I finished them or not, and decided I MUST finish 10 of them before I can be allowed to buy another game. Then after that, 6 more. I have a column of games I do want to buy in the future to remind me of what I’m looking forward to.

Several of the Big Fish Games I got bored with, but I am still making myself finish them before buying more!

Then, books. I recently bought myself several books. Even though I already have plenty to read. Which means I need to read more, and I have been doing so. But I have a rant about a recent purchase. I decided to buy “American Elsewhere” used from amazon, because I thought it was going to be in almost new condition, but it has a HUGE split halfway through the book, so when I read it, it is lopsided on one side….I don’t like it. I wish I’d bought it new, or just continued to read it from the library. It’s a really good book and a thick book. I’ve even considered buying it NEW and giving away this copy, but new it is at least $17 or more depending on where I get it.

Plus I talked myself out of buying this book that was almost $16 new yesterday at the store, I finally went to the Auntie’s Bookstore in downtown Spokane yesterday. But I liked the cover so I might be drawn to it later. I also recently bought some new books from amazon that are on their way. I am thinking of making a spreadsheet of books I need to finish and then write the books I want to get once I read a certain number of my books. I am thinking of setting a goal of 5 books and then I can buy another. But I don’t know if I would stick to this!! As in I would go to the bookstore and see more than one book I want to buy. Or when ordering on amazon, I always order at least $35 of stuff so I can get the free shipping.

But I think I will at least try it. I am also making myself buy less groceries and use the stuff I’ve already stocked up on, and also I’ve stopped buying bottled iced tea all together, bought a whole bunch of Lipton bags and also Oolong bags, and bought this peach syrup  through amazon – at first I thought I didn’t like it, but I am learning to like it. It’s just the Torani syrup which I have added to my amazon subscribe and save. Safeway used to make my favorite iced tea – Oolong Peach, and then they changed the recipe and I don’t like it anymore and it’s not worth $1 or so a bottle so I am making homemade iced tea and I know it’s a lot cheaper.

Plus I’ve stocked up on other stuff I got on amazon like this cheap wheat farina by Bob’s Red Mill. Waaay cheaper than Cream of Wheat. Then I tried it and it’s a bit TOO creamy for me. Needs more texture. So I bought a box of Cream of Wheat – at Fred Meyer – Safeway wanted $4 something a box! and I use a very tiny amount of the Cream of wheat with the Bob’s stuff and it has enough texture now.  And all that I’ve got now will probably last me through the winter.

I’ve been buying more grocery stuff on amazon through subscribe and save or just buying it on amazon because I no longer have a car and they deliver it to me. I definitely still have to walk to the store every week to get groceries.

Not Enough time in the day

Would love to be retired and have all the time in the world because there is so much I want to do and not enough time to do it!

Plus my job is crazy as usual – today wasn’t too bad, I got a high compliment from a customer today so that was nice. Then there was a ‘change’ for the better – something we’re allowed to do again (for months we were no longer allowed, now that we are allowed again, life there will be just slightly easier).

At work I did bring up with some co-workers that agree, there are a few perks to our job, and I have to admit they are a huge reason I have trouble getting motivated to look for other work even though the current one drives me nuts. Perks are – we have a steady schedule. We know when we are going to be at work and we know when we are going to be done (there is the risk of being stuck late, usually no more than a half hour), we always get our days off. We don’t have to worry (I better not jinx things here) about being called into work on our day off or after we’ve gone home. (I’ve seen it happen to supervisors though). They never ask me to show up on Saturday, well actually they will ask everyone through email very occasionally, and usually other people volunteer because they want overtime. I volunteered once because it was for a project that was not our usual work. But they don’t make you show up on your day off. Also we almost always get holidays off such as Labor day, Thanksgiving, 4th of July, Memorial Day, Christmas (without pay) but I like it that I don’t have to worry about being stuck working on a holiday.

Oh I wanted to write more but it’s getting late. Maybe tomorrow. Briefly – today I did some cleaning, I watched Warehouse 13 with my son, I was hoping he’d like it too but he’s not too interested he said it’s too ‘cop show’. I will continue to watch. I like the premise – a secret warehouse of supernatural objects and secret agents need to collect them. Reminds me of Friday the 13th the Series (which had nothing to do with the movies)

Pretty Little Liars season finale was on last night. That show is getting dark. Also, I just read the first book. It’s short. Will read more through the library. The book is pretty close to the show, with little differences. I hear they get quite different from the show though, which makes sense because if they just used the plot from the books, no one would be surprised and there would be no mystery if they already read the books.

I ordered the new download content pack for Mario Kart Wii U, I think it was an advanced purchase so won’t have everything yet, but I will have new racetracks to try, new characters to use, new cars.

So on Netflix, I want to watch/have been watching Pretty little liars, Warehouse 13, Hemlock Grove, The Fosters, maybe watch Orange is the New Black, been watching Arrow with my son, Persons Unknown, Life…

I need to get ready for bed.

Writing stuff down

Yesterday I discovered librarything.com and was adding a lot of my books to it. Plan to do some more today. Also decided I really need to finish reading a lot of my books that I’ve left hanging. Currently trying to finish the 2nd Frankenstein book since a friend loaned it to me, and a William Slater book that shouldn’t take to long to finish, The Last Universe.

I started playing Paper Mario for the Wii again on Friday.

I had this huge urge to go to Barnes and Noble, and if I had a car I would have just drove over there. Right now I’m thinking of going to Auntie’s bookstore because it’s downtown where the buses stop and wouldn’t take such a huge chunk of my day to go there, plus I could stop at the tea shop downtown too.

Not that I should be buying books I have tons of books to read. But I want to go look. I also decided to order some books I want to try from the library.

I really need to get some cleaning today, already vacuumed and started the dishes, need to get back to the dishes and also need to start laundry.

Started this amazon order just so I can get Oolong tea and then you have to add out stuff so you get free shipping….still working on it

The reason why I suddenly need Oolong tea is Safeway changed the recipe in my favorite iced tea – Oolong peach, and I’m really disappointed. It used to taste fresh brewed and now it tastes very different, probably it’s made from a concentrated powder now. It’s not worth spending my money on, that is for sure. And it used to be so good 😦

I watched a couple of episodes of Dominion last week and enjoyed them, but far as I know that’s all that was available on SyFy’s website, so I guess I have to wait awhile for Netflix. (hopefully). I want to try have to have time today to watch something on Netflix, maybe The Fosters or an episode of Pretty Little Liars.

Kinda tired today

Felt rather tired today even though I went to bed by 10pm or so last night. Not a not-enough-sleep tired but a not-much-energy tired.

Work actually wasn’t too bad. They gave me a very low stress project to work on for a few hours and then I had to go back to the same old grind. It was a nice break, I be doing it tomorrow too but probably for not as long.

I woke up this morning and felt accomplished for getting so many things done last night. It was a good feeling. Still staying off twitter and even stayed off Tumblr tonight, usually I go there after Pretty Little Liars and read the PLL Theories tag. And stay up late. I’m staying up later than I wanted to tonight, but after PLL was over I wanted to read more of “Falling.” It’s really good and I’m 70% finished so might finish it tonight.

Thinking about The Happiness Trap – I still need to write down my goals and values and start focusing on them, especially the values, the book points out it’s important to enjoy your values while striving for goals. I’ll explain more when less tired.

Today I walked over to the store after work and got a few things and got bangs cut on the way back, so they are no longer in my eyes.

Life!

I see I have a couple new followers, hello and welcome!

I just re-did my lists page, updated it so it’s more accurate. If you’re curious about me I listed things that I like. I will probably add more to it soon.

Today I want to write about work, and goals. I know I’ve written about my desire to have goals and stick to them, well, I still have a long way to go. But I did get some of my cleaning done this weekend and I did just now finish the dishes 🙂 On a Monday night!

Which reminds me, I tend to see these chores as huge mountains I have to climb, even if they aren’t that big of a deal. Like I have to pay these bills tonight, probably will take me 10 minutes or less, but oh gosh they are mountains in my mind and I don’t want to climb them. It’s not that I don’t have the money or I’m attached to the money or I’m not responsible enough to be paying my bills. Nothing like that.

I just don’t like boring chores. Okay, so I’m not special on that am I? But they become these mountains in my mind and I put them off. I still pay my bills on time but sometimes it’s at the very last minute. Oh and then shaving my legs are a mountain too. So are doing dishes, doing laundry, other types of cleaning.

So I want to try think about them differently. I’m going to work on it and if I’m successful I’ll post about it. Of course there are the obvious reasons – apartment will be cleaner, I’ll be more organized and responsible, etc.

Okay – work. Huge struggle. I would love to change it and I need to get motivated enough to actually use my free time to look for other jobs. But that’s probably one of my biggest mountains yet – applying for jobs is SO. NOT. FUN. And it doesn’t result in anything 99% of the time, or actually if you look at the jobs I’ve applied at this year, 100% no results, not even a job interview.

So I’ve been reading this book from the library and it’s really good. Probably one of the best self-help books I’ve read yet. It’s called The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris.

TheHappinessTrap

I just finished reading it on the bus and I highlighted (Kindle highlighting!) some important stuff. Here is the ACT Formula:

Accept your thoughts and feelings and be present.

Connect with your values.

Take effective action.”

Also this is an incredibly important point in the book: “No matter what sort of problematic situation you encounter in life, there are only two sensible courses of action:

      Accept it.
      Take effective action to improve it.”

Soooo. My incredibly difficult job that I will be vague about. It does have some pros – I have some great friends there at work that I look forward to seeing. I get a paycheck, and it’s a Monday-Friday job so I always have weekends off and also I’m almost always done at the same time of the day, and I have evenings off. Also (knock on wood) being called on your time off to suddenly show up to work is unheard of at this job. Which I like a lot. The bus goes real close to my work which is important to me because I no longer own a car, and the job is not in the same city as me.

Cons: Too many to list, plus I’m being vague. I will say I am really underpaid considering the kind of work I do. I face huge frustrations on a daily basis, and my co-workers and I have war stories to tell on a daily basis. Sometimes an hourly basis! That is just too much stress.

I have a lot of trouble accepting the procedures I have to deal with, I think they are terrible, I think they cause myself and many many others involved unending stress and frustration, and there are articles online that verify that the company I am speaking of has a very negative rating with the public. (Then the problem is: I read the articles, my feelings are validated, but then I have to face hard reality at work again, then I get depressed, again)

Anyway, I’ve reached some level of acceptance when I’m there. Sometimes. For a short time. Then one of my triggers happen (very very easy to happen) and I’m all riled up. I’m trying to work on getting less riled up but its hard because I know it’s not just me getting frustrated but the customers and I can’t stand how the customers are being treated. So my everyday life there is a roller coaster. If I manage to have a day that is less stressful than usual I consider myself lucky. Most days are ‘middle days’ that means some crazy stress but some peace as well. Some days you show up and when it rains, IT POURS as in the bad stuff happens all day long and there’s no escape till your 8 hours is left. This is a phenomenon that happens not just with me but with co-workers as well.

So I need to work on two things: Trying to accept MORE. Until I’m gone. And make little goals to find a new job. I have to start little and work myself into it because I know if I try to tackle it all at once I’ll see a big mountain and shy away from it and put it off.

Okay, change of topic: I recently lost my gold crown. Yes my beautiful gold crown that I’ve only had since March. I want to cry. Without that tooth I am having difficulty chewing. I need to get partial dentures very soon, I barely have any chewing teeth on the bottom. In fact there are only two. I still have my front teeth so if I open my mouth people still see teeth. And I still have most of my top teeth. But almost all my bottom chewing teeth are gone now 😦

I’m re-reading a Christopher Pike book, Falling, and I might write a brief commentary on it and his writing when I’m done. He’s one of my favorite authors. One thing I want to mention is a re-occurring theme in his books – romantic love that is to the point of being obsessive. Makes me wonder if there is someone he never got over.

Oh and I need to stay off Twitter. At least for a day or two. Got super addicting this weekend with all the Orlando Jones stuff – just go to twitter and if you don’t see an Orlando Jones account there I’d be surprised. I was following and retweeting Orlando Jones accounts like crazy, and they were following me.

Twitter has become like my bar…where I sit down to hang out with friends and chat! And stay up too late quite often. It’s just minus the alcohol.

Time to write some checks and put bills in the mail!

#AskSupernatural: That time Supernatural regret to ask for their fans’ opinion

#AskSupernatural: That time Supernatural regret to ask for their fans’ opinion.